


Bleeding Hearts

by Tessacat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Past Attempted Suicide, Protective Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn, Stark!Reader, Vampires, dont worry I will put a trigger warning, it is short and won’t be graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tessacat/pseuds/Tessacat
Summary: Being Tony Starks daughter has its pros and cons. One of the pros being you get to live with your best friends, the Avengers. One of the cons you will soon find out is having to deal with the one and only, James Buchanan Barnes...Takes place during that made up time after civil war where everyone lives happy in the tower.Female reader Insert. Reader is referred to as Y/N
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 67





	1. Meeting Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to fallingshannon for being my beta!

You were tired. You had just arrived back at the tower after a two week long art tour you had been on. Traveling around the U.S. to show your art in various art shows for potential clients. Every Day consisted of you arivinging on an early flight to your newest location, setting up at the art show, then conversing with the social elites, charming them into buying your art. It wasn't hard for you to sell your art, most would buy strictly because of your last name, Stark. It also didn't hurt that you were a very skilled artist, many in the art world said you would be the next Salvador Dali. Now that you were finally home after taking a red eye all you wanted to do was have a quick breakfast before taking a long nap.

You had changed into your comfy clothes as soon as you had gotten back. A pair of cute pajama shorts and a little white tank. You didn't worry about making noise as you moved about the kitchen. Pepper and your dad are on a business trip, Wanda, Nat, Sam, and Vision were on a mission and Steve had left to pick up his Friend James from Wakanda and help him move into the tower. You wondered when they would all get back.

You were on your tippy toes, shorts riding up as you reached for a pan out of the cabinet. The sound of someone clearing their throat startles you. You jump, hitting your head on the cabinet.

“Shit.” You groan, right hand going to rub you tender head. You turn around, eyes lighting up when you see who it is.

“Stevie!” You shout happily, running over to him and giving him a hug. You plant a friendly kiss on his cheek. “I missed you!”

“Hey y/n.” Steve greets, smiling at you as you release him from your hug. “How was the tour?”

“It was great!” You smile. “I sold all my pieces!”

“That's great Bea!'' Steve pauses, seeming to realize somthing. “This is my friend Bucky.” He gestures to the handsome man beside him.

Very handsome you realize. How did you not notice him sooner?

“I'm y/n.” you greet, extending your hand for him to shake.

He shakes your hand. “James, but you can call me Bucky.”

“Wait.” You pause, his name finally clicking for you. “As in Bucky Barnes?

“That would be the one.” Bucky answers, seemingly nervous, as if preparing for a coming storm.

“Wow!” Your eyes brighten and smile widens. “You’re a war hero.” 

Bucky looks at you in confusion, clearly not expecting you to say that.

“Not to sound cliche, I’m sure you get told this all the time, but uh, thank you for your service.” You say sincerely.

Bucky’s confusion turns to shock. “Actually no one has ever told me that.” 

It was now your turn to be confused. “Really? That’s surprising…” You pause, unsure how to break the tension that was gradually growing towards awkward as Bucky’s harsh eyes took you in. “Well I better leave you two be. I’m sure Steve still needs to give you a tour of the pace.” You smile, turning your back towards the two men and begin gathering the items required to make your breakfast. You let out a deep breath when you hear the two men leave. 

Bucky seemed intense. It made sense, after all, he has been through a lot. Maybe he thought you would hate him for what happened to your grandparents. But you didn’t. You know it wasn’t his fault. Besides, you weren’t one to hold grudges. Perhaps if you had known your grandparents, it would be a different story.

Just as you were about to crack the first egg, Steve and Bucky come rushing back in.

“Hey y/n, change of plans. Nat just called me in for backup so I’m going to need you to give Bucky the tour. Is that alright?”

Your eyes widen when you hear that they need Steve to come in. They had already sent in more of the Avengers than they usually need to… it must be serious.

“Yeah no problem. Is everyone alright?” You try to hide the anxiety in your voice. The team worries about you enough as it is.

“Everyones fine y/n.” Steve tries to calm your nerves. “The team just needs some help with calming the civilians, nothing crazy.” 

You knew Steve was lying, he’s a terrible liar. But what could you do? It was their job. And you didn’t want Steve to worry about you on the mission so you pretend to buy into his lie.

“Ok, stay safe Stevie.” You place the egg back in the carton and turn off the stove before walking over to the two men. You give Steve a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before allowing him to go.

“Thanks y/n. And play nice Buck!” Steve quickly comments before running off to suit up, Leaving Bucky and you alone.

It was a little strange to you that Steve felt the need to tell Bucky to “play nice” but you assumed he was just teasing him. 

“Where to first?” You turn to Bucky with a smile on your face, determined to make friends with the newest addition to the team.

“My room would be nice. Still got to put this down.” He gestures to the black duffle bag being held in his left hand.

Is that all he owns?

“Oh yeah of course! Right this way.” You gesture for him to follow you to the elevators.

You began to speak as you walk. “Well you’ve already seen half of this floor, the kitchen and living space. Feel free to help yourself to any food or drinks that don’t have a name on them.” You pause, waiting for him to respond but he simply grunts.

“And the other half that you haven’t seen is lab space.” You try to get the conversation going but Bucky continues not to say anything.

“Friday Please take us to floor 53.” You say kindly to the AI.

“Of course, Miss.” She responds back. “Please enter elevator B.”

The tower has multiple elevators, six of them that can be used exclusively by the Avengers team, Pepper, and yourself.

You step into elevator B, Bucky following suit. It was a decent sized elevator, but somehow Bucky’s presence encompassed the elevator. The whole room was filled with his heat and his scent. Although he was making it awkward by not talking, you appreciated his presence. It was strangely comforting and made you feel secure. Not to mention he smelt nice, like the forest after a rain shower, and leather. Perhaps a bit spicy too, like black pepper. 

The soft ding and the halt of the moving elevator let you know you had arrived on your floor.

Stepping out, you begin to speak again. “Everyone's apartments are on this floor. Down the hall on the left is where, my dad and Pepper, Wanda and Vision, and Sam stay. And on the right is where you and Steve, Nat, and I stay. There are also extra places on each side incase Bruce, Clint, or Rhodey decide to stay.” Bucky says nothing as he follows you down the right hallway. 

You continue to speak. “We would have given you your own apartment but Steve said you wanted to stay with him, so we built a loft for you. Don’t worry though, it has four walls and a door so you’ll have full privacy.”

As you near the end of the hallway where his room is, Bucky finally decides to speak. “You sure do talk a lot.”

You sigh internally, both relieved that he finally decided to talk, and annoyed at the comment.

“I wouldn’t have to talk so much if you actually responded to me.” You mumble under your breath.

“What do you do.” Bucky surprises you by speaking again.

“What do you mean?” You question.

Bucky lets out an irritated sigh. “You live with the Avengers… are you a tech genius or somthing?”

Oh, he wanted to know what you did for the team.

“Oh um, not exactly. Well technically I am a genius sense my IQ is way over 160. But I’m not really interested in tech… I’m an artist actually.”

Bucky frowns. “So you're not part of the Avengers?”

“No. Though I am around for emotional support.” You laugh lightly.

Bucky doesn't find it amusing. “So you live with the Avengers but you just do your own thing?”

“Pretty much.” You answer, not sure where he’s going with this.

“So you’re a liability.” He concludes.

You raise your brows. “Excuse me?” 

Bucky shrugs. “It’s true. You have all this information on the Avengers, you’re friends with all of them and your father is Iron Man. Any bad guy worth his shit would want to get his hands on you. Whether for information or to use as bait.”

“Look it’s not like I just walk around on my own. There’s always an Avengers agent watching me.” You cross your arms.

Bucky gives a sarcastic smile. “Great, so you're wasting resources.” 

You glare at him. What’s his problem?

“So what? I’m supposed to just stay locked up in this tower my whole life like some kind of princess?”

Bucky shrugs. “You’re rich, pretty, and live in a tower… sounds like a Princess to me.”

You're done with this. You have better things to do than to stand here and let some guy who doesn't even know you insult you. 

“On that note, I think I’ll let Friday give you the rest of the tour.” You turn away, not giving him a moment to say anything back before marching Angrily back down the hallway.


	2. The fork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to fallingshannon and slothspaghetti for being my betas!

Third person POV, Bucky’s perspective

Bucky wasn’t sure what bothered him more. The fact that y/n has ignored him for three days after that morning, or the fact that soon after she was back to being what he assumed was her normal, kind self.

Bucky barely interacted with her yet she still infuriated him. Why did she have to be so happy and nice all the time? Does she not get that everyone else here has a shit ton of baggage. It’s like she was rubbing her happiness in their faces. Not to mention how painfully awkward it was to be around her and Tony at the same time. The girl clearly had daddy issues. It’s like every pleasant conversation they had was forced. Even when they argued it felt like the pair was holding somthing back.

Oh! And not to mention she always has to wear those cute little pajama shorts. That drove Bucky crazy. Does she not get what she’s doing to him! He can’t even focus when he’s around her.

Bucky groaned, rubbing his hand over his face as he got up from the kitchen table to refill his mug of coffee. He just couldn’t get this girl out of his head. She was like a virus.

Speaking of that girl…

“Ah!” Her sweet, unmistakable voice cries out.

Bucky drops the mug from his hand, red ceramic shattering as it his the ground. But Bucky has bigger things to worry about. Someone must have broken into the tower and now they were hurting y/n.

Bucky sprints out of the kitchen and into the hallway by the elevators to find y/n pinned to the floor by… Natasha?

He didn’t have time to question why Natasha would hurt y/n, he had to act fast.

Liked the trained soldier he was made to be, he swooped in fast, ripping Natasha up from y/n and pinning her to the opposite wall.

“What the hell Barnes?” Both woman yell simultaneously.

Huh?

With a few quick movements, Natasha frees herself from Bucky’s grip.

Bucky maneuvers his body between Y/n and Nat, guarding the civilian girl.

“Y/n are you alright?” Bucky’s eyes don’t leave the redhead in front of him.

“Chill James I’m fine. Nat and I were just training.”

“Training?” Bucky’s stance relaxes.

“Yeah.” Nat says as if it’s the most obvious thing ever. “What else would we be doing?”

Bucky looks back and forth between them in confusion. “But I thought-“

“Thought what Barnes? That I was attacking her?” Natasha huffs in annoyance. “Do you really think that low of me?”

Shit. Bucky messed up. He hadn’t even stopped to think about what was happening. He was just worried about y/n. Soft, delicate y/n.

“It’s ok Nat.” Y/n Intervenes. “He was just caught up in the moment. He probably didn’t even realize it was you.”

Ugh why did she have to be so nice to him. He didn’t deserve that. And why did it piss him off so much.

“Yeah, sure.” Bucky takes the out she’s given him. “Just forget about it.” He mumbles as he turns , trudging back down the hallway in the direction he came.

“What’s his problem?”

“No clue.”

~  
Back in the kitchen Bucky stands crouched over the broken mug. Picking up pieces of the ruined ceramic with his metal hand and placing them in the trash.

As Bucky was just finishing picking up the last pieces, Sam walks in, nearly tripping over Bucky.

“Uh, Barnes?” Sam questions. “Why are you on the floor?”

Bucky sighs. Sam was not his favorite person. He didn’t annoy him nearly as much as y/n did but he still got on his nerves. It wasn’t Sam's fault that Bucky didn’t like him. Bucky just seemed to have a problem with people who seemed too happy all the time.

“Broke a mug.” Bucky responds.

“Wouldn’t happen to be my red mug, would it?”

Bucky stands up, opening his hand to let Sam see remnants of the red mug.

Sam groans. “Seriously Barnes? That was my favorite mug!”

“I’ll buy ya a new one.” Bucky shrugs

“You can’t just buy me a new one! That one was special.” He frowns.

Bucky furrows his brows. “It was just a red mug. How could it be special?”

“The taste Barnes, the taste! It made the coffee taste perfect!”

Bucky highly doubted that. He opens his mouth to disagree with Sam but is stopped by another voice.

“What’s with all the noise in here?” Steve interrupts.

“Barnes broke my mug.” Sam pouts.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to. Right Buck?”

“Obviously.” Bucky grumbles. Why would he purposely break a mug? He's not THAT unstable.

“Hey Buck can talk to you for a minute?” Steve asks, gesturing with his head towards the balcony.

“Sure.” Bucky sighs, following Steve outside.

What did Steve want now? Now don’t get him wrong, Bucky loves Steve, he was his best pal and wouldn’t hesitate to risk his own life for him. But lately Steve seemed to be overly concerned with how Bucky was adjusting to life in the tower. Particularly about how he was getting along with y/n. It seemed that Steve and the girl had become the best of friends. Which would have annoyed Bucky more if it hadn’t been for the fact that y/n seemed to be best friends with everyone.

Bucky closes the door behind him, effectively giving him and Steve privacy to talk.

“What’s up?” Bucky asks.

Steve shrugs it off. “Oh it’s nothing big… just heard you had a run in with Natasha and y/n this morning.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. Of course the tower's princess had to go tattle on him.

“Y/n tell you?”

Steve shakes his head. “No. Nat actually told me.”

Oh.

“Look it was a stupid mistake. I thought Yyn was in trouble.” Bucky looks away.

“Hey.” Steve claps a hand on the other man's shoulder. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just trying to help her.” Steve pauses. “I actually just wanted to ask if this meant you were starting to come around.”

Bucky shrugs Steve’s hand off, turning to face him. “Look I was just doing my job.”

Steve sighs. “I don’t get what your problem is with her.”

Bucky decides he’s had enough of this conversation.

“I’m not in the mood to talk about this.” Bucky turns to leave. “If you need me I’ll be in the gym.”

~

It was two in the afternoon and Bucky hadn’t seen Steve since their conversation that morning. He felt bad for blowing him off early. After all, it wasn’t Steve’s fault that he was in a bad mood. So he thought he’d find Steve and explain to him how he was feeling. Even though Bucky hated talking about his feelings.

After scouring the few floors that the avengers inhabited, he gave up looking and decided to ask Friday if she knew where Steve was. The AI immediately told him that the super soldier in question was in the art studio. Bucky didn’t even know that there was an art studio in the tower.

As Bucky comes upon the open studio door he hears the sound of laughing. One deep voice, clearly Steve’s voice, and another more angelic voice.

Shit. It was y/n.

Bucky means to turn around, but his legs seem to have a different idea as they carry him into the room. He finds Steve hunched over one the large art tables in the room with a charcoal covered hand held over his chest as he lets out a deep laugh. Y/n on the other hand is standing up in front of an easel wearing a paint stained white shirt that comes down to her knees. He wondered if she had anything on under that… He also, for a brief moment wondered what she would look like in one of his shirts.

Y/n has a bright smile on her paint splotched face. A soft laugh making it's way past her perfect lips. But soon her smile is replaced by a neutral face.

“Oh, hey James.” She greets Bucky plainly. No malice in her voice, but no joy either.

Steve turns to face him, his smile still lingering from whatever joke had just been told. “Hey Buck! What’s up.”

“I was just Uh-“ Bucky’s words trail off, his mind distracted by y/n’s painting. It was strange that’s for sure. It was a human face, but with two eyes where the mouth was supposed to be, and a mouth in the middle of the forehead. Crawling out of the mouth were a few small spiders, with a large tarantula halfway out of the mouth. It was kind of disturbing, and, if Bucky was being honest with himself, really cool.

“Bucky.” Steve snaps him out of his daze.

“Huh?” Bucky searches his head for words. “Oh yeah. I was just wondering where you were.”

“Well, ya found me.” Steve smiles “What’s up?”

Crap. Bucky can’t tell Steve he wanted to talk about his feelings with y/n here. Why did she have to be here anyway? Steve is HIS friend, not hers.

“I was wondering if you had seen my hat. But uh, now that I think about it, I think I know where it is.” Bucky gives a tight smile before leaving the room. Not giving either of them a chance to speak.

~

After Steve finished his art session he went back to their shared apartment and tried to get Bucky to admit  
why he had really come to the art room, but it was no use, Bucky no longer wanted to talk about his feelings.

The rest of the day passed and the whole team was currently at dinner, minus Tony, who had just left to go to the bathroom. The center of the table which had previously been full of pizza from Gregorio's pizza kitchen was now bare aside from one slice of four cheese pizza.

Bucky, who had previously been waiting to make sure no one else wanted the last slice, decided that enough time had passed that if anyone else had wanted it they would have gotten it by now. Bucky reaches forward to grab the last slice. Not noticing another, smaller hand reaching at the same time. The two hands collide and Bucky looks up to see who it is. When the pair make eye contact, the group goes quiet, everyone in the room knowing about their dislike of each other.

Y/n, being the kind person she is, offers the slice to him. “You can have it.” She smiles, though Bucky can tell her smile is fake.

“No, go on, you take it.” Bucky offers back. “What the princess wants, the princess gets. Right?”

Suddenly, surprising everyone, Y/n stands up. She slams her fist down on the table, causing everyone to jump. “What fuck is your problem with me?”

The table is eerily quiet, everyone unsure of how the winter soldier may react.

Not a moment later, Bucky abruptly stands up, his chair falling back with a loud slam.

“My fucking problem is that we’re all here-“ Bucky gestures wildly to the group at the table besides y/n. “Saving the world, while you, a civilian, just walk around the tower with a pretty little smile on your face acting like everything going on in the world is happy and bright! Well, it’s not! We have trauma and baggage and real shit we’ve all gone through and here you acting like everything’s fine!”

Y/n opens her mouth to speak but Bucky cuts her off.

“And don't even get me started on your daddy issues. I rather have my teeth pulled then have to stay in a room with the two of you together! I don’t get what the fuck your problem is with each other but you need to figure it out! I mean, shit, does he not give you enough attention?!”

Bucky is seething with rage. His fists white knuckles against the table while his shoulders heave up and down with every breath he takes.

Y/n, with an evil smirk on her face calmly responds, knowing exactly what to say to get on Bucky’s last nerve. “You think I have a pretty smile?” She flutters her lashes.

Bucky, instead of exploding, smiles back. “That’s what you want isn’t it? For all the men in the tower to think you're pretty. That’s probably why you walk around in those tiny pajamas all the time. Hoping one of us will give you the attention that daddy doesn’t.”

The next thing that happens catches everyone off guard. With a lightning fast movement y/n takes a fork off the table (The fork Vision had been using because for some reason he can’t eat pizza like a normal person) and lunges across the table for Bucky.

Luckily, for the well-being of everyone in the room, Natasha grabs hold of the girl, holding her back from doing whatever she had planned to do with that fork.

“You fucking piece of shit!” y/n screams.

Bucky opens his mouth to speak again but Steve gets up and pulls Bucky out of the room before he can further enrage the girl.

Just as Bucky and Steve leave the room, Tony waltzes back in. A confused look moving to his face when he sees his daughter struggling against the hold of Natasha.

“What did I miss?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving a comment or kudos if you enjoyed!


	3. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: none graphic attempted rape and non consensual drug use

2nd person POV

You wake up to the soft creek of your bedroom door being opened. You don’t even have to wonder who it is. The only one on the tower that would break into your small apartment was Natasha.

You groan, the creek of the door sounding much louder than it really was due to your hangover. You went a little crazy last night. After Tony had come back to the table you stormed off to your room in an angry rage, grabbing a bottle of vodka on the way. You made multiple trips to the liquor cabinet during the night. You honestly couldn’t remember how much you drank, but you knew it was well more than the average person could handle. But your Stark genes gave you a higher tolerance than most.

“I see you decided to redecorate.” Natasha jokes, referring to the state of your trashed room.

Oh yeah. You almost forgot that in your drunken rage that you totally trashed your apartment.

“Friday, turn the lights to 15%.” Natasha tells the AI.

You groan again. “What do you want?”

“Girls day, remember? And also, a fork, really?” Nat almost laughs as she speaks.

You sit up slowly. “Don’t tell me you're here to lecture me.”

The redhead shrugs. “Just wanted to advise that you at least use a knife the next time you plan to go up against the Winter Soldier.”

“You're the one that held me back, remember?” You remind her.

“I almost didn’t.” She sighs. “But then I thought that the ramifications of a second civil war might not be worth it.”

“What time is it?” You ask, changing the topic.

“About half past eleven.”

“Shit.” You jump up out of bed. “Isn’t are appointment at-“

“12? Yeah. Not to mention it half way across the city.” Nat points out.

“I’ll be ready in ten. Meet you and Wanda in the garage?”

“Sure. Brought you this by the way.” Natasha tosses you a Gatorade and a bottle of Advil.

You catch them out of the air with ease. “Thanks.”

“Wow.” Nat says with a surprised look on her face. “Your hand eye coordination has improved.”

A small smile makes its way to your face. “Strange as it is I’ve been playing catch with Steve. He said improving my hand eye coordination would help with my aim.”

“Well have to test that out on Monday. Now get ready, Wanda isn’t going to be happy if we’re late.”

~

Just as you were leaving your bedroom you heard a knock outside of your apartment door.

You groan. “Wanda it hasn’t even been ten minutes yet!” You call out, grabbing your bag and heading out into the living room. You don’t bother grabbing anything to eat on your way out, seeing as how the three of you paid for the ultra deluxe package at the spa. Which includes sushi and champagne.

You open your apartment door, prepared to lecture Wanda on the importance of patience, only to find…

“Dad? Hey, I thought you would be Wanda.”

“Oh are you two going somewhere?” Tony askes.

“Yeah. Nat, Wanda and I are having a spa day before the party tonight.” You say quickly, trying to hurry up the conversation. Not only was talking to your dad always awkward, you were also running late.

“Oh that’s nice!”

“Yeah and I’m running late so I really have to get going.” You move past him and out your door.

“Oh, ok, well I just wanted to ask you about what happened last night.” He asks as he follows you.

You brush it off. “Oh it was nothing, just a little disagreement.”

Tony places a gentle hand on your shoulder, urging you to stop walking. “You know you can talk to me, right? I know things have been a little tense between us but I want you to now I’m here for you.”

You smile at him softly. “I know. But seriously I’m fine, we just had a little argument.”

“Ok.” Tony buys the lie, or rather, he decides not to pry. “But if Barnes ever gives you a hard time, let me know. I’ll kick him out like that.” Tony snaps his fingers.

You laugh lightly, as much as you hate him, you know he’s an asset to the team. “Good to know. But seriously I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” You say flippantly as you turn to leave.

“Love you kid!” Tony calls down the hall.

Unfortunately you were too far away to hear him

~

You feel hot. Very hot. You wipe the back of your hand across your forehead. Your body is covered in sweat. The little drops of perspiration sliding down your back and hitting the wooden boards below you.

The three of you are in the middle of your first treatment of the day. Fifteen minutes inside the dry heat room.

You take a swig from your water bottle. The cool water feels like heaven as it trickles down your throat.

Girl's day was off to a good start. The sushi was great, and you assumed the champagne was as well, though Natasha refused to let you drink any after last night.

You and the girls had talked about only meaningless things so far, no one bothering to bring up what happened between you and Bucky last night, which you are thankful for.

You’re still trying to figure out why he hates you so much. All his reasons last night sounded like excuses. If being happy and nice all the time was such a problem then why didn’t he hate Steve too? Maybe he was jealous that you were normal and didn’t have emotional baggage. Which he was wrong about. You had your own demons you fought, and even through they weren’t physical, they still brought you down.

To make things worse, you had this stupid little crush on him. You couldn’t even try to understand your feelings towards him. You hated him yes, but he was just so damn handsome and a silly part of you hoped that maybe he was hiding his feelings with anger.

A loud sigh catches your attention. You turn to find Wanda hunched over, Rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

“Y/n can you please think more quietly. I’m trying to relax.” Wand whines.

“Wanda stay out of my head!” You shout, not out of anger but out of embarrassment.

“I wasn’t!” Wanda defends. “You just think so loud that it’s projecting out of your mind.”

“What is she thinking about?” Nat interjects.

“Don’t-“

“She’s thinking about Barnes.” Wanda cuts you off.

You throw your head back and groan. “Wandaaa.” You whine. “Why’d you have to tell her that?”

Natasha laughs. “She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know.”

You furrow your brows. “What do you mean?” You ask hesitantly.

Nat shrugs and takes a sip of her water before answering. “Well it’s obvious you two have the hots for each other.”

Your eyes widen. “W-what? No it’s not! We hate each other.”

“She's right you know.” Wanda comments.

“You looking in his head too?” You accuse.

“You’re not the only one with loud thoughts y/n.”

That piques your curiosity. “What… what is he thinking exactly?”

Wanda and Nat share a smirk. “He’s totally into you.” Wanda answers. “He’s only being an asshole because deep down he’s scared of letting himself have a good thing.”

You furrow your brows, shaking your head. “You must be reading him wrong.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “You don't have to be a mind reader to see the way he looks at you.”

“He looks at me?”

“Only all the time.” Natasha laughs. “He’s constantly eye-fucking you.”

Your eyes widen at the thought. “That can’t be true.”

“Have we ever led you wrong?” Wanda asks.

“Well, no but-“

“But nothing.” Nat interrupts. “We’re not saying you need to make a move or anything. Just telling you the facts.”

“Ok, ok, fine. Let’s just move on alright?”

“Good with me! We have better things than men to talk about anyway.” Wanda starts. “Like what are you wearing to the party tonight?!”

You smile, starting to get excited. Wanda and you love fashion. Natasha likes fashion too, but she isn’t as obsessed with designer brands as the two of you are.

“You remember the dark metallic Saint Laurent dress we saw at the mall?”

“The one with the short asymmetrical skirt and the halter top?”

“Yes!” You say excitedly.

Soon the three of you were laughing and gossiping about all the people and celebrities that would be attending the party. Your thoughts and worries about Bucky dropping from your mind.

~

Floor 55 aka Tony Starks party floor. Waiters dressed in all black carry trays of hors d’oeuvres and champagne around the floor. The bar is fully stocked with only top shelf quality drinks and the room filled with only the most famous and wealthy people in New York.

You had a love hate relationship with these parties. On one hand, you enjoyed getting to meet and converse with some of the actors and actresses you admire. On the other, you hated talking with the snobby social elites that your father was friends with from work. They always either make meaningless small talk with you or try to pry into your personal life. Two things which you hated. Usually you would put up with it, smile and laugh at their dull jokes, but tonight you had a goal. Tonight you heard someone special was going to be attending the party.

Arthur Milligan. Academy award winner, child star, man of your dreams Arthur Milligan. He has been your celebrity crush ever since you were 13, and now you finally had the chance to meet him. It’s safe to say you weren’t going to let anyone get in your way of meeting him tonight.

You step out of the elevator with Nat and Wanda flanking your sides. The three of you had made a plan. With Steve and Tony being so protective, they would immediately notice if you were flirting with Arthur. Them being the way they are it was unlikely you would get a moment alone with him. So Wanda and Vision (who surprisingly is going along with it) would distract your dad while Natasha took care of Steve.

“Remember y/n, keep the drinking to a minimum.” Nat reminds you.

You sigh, rolling your eyes. “One drink, I promise.” You reach your hand towards hers to momentarily cross pinkys.

“Good. Now go get em tiger.” She encourages you, giving you a small nudge forward.

You take a calming breath, getting all your nerves out before letting a smirk come to your face as you turn on the charm.

You strut out through the crowd, keeping your eyes out for the man of your interest. It takes you about five minutes to spot him. The 6 foot tall blonde man standing on his own near the bar. He seemed to be people watching.

You make your way towards him, careful to stay out of his line of sight. When you finally reach him, you purposely trip, stumbling right into him.

Of course, just as you planned, he catches you.

“Are you alright?” He asks, sounding slightly irritated, though his demeanor completely changes when his eyes land on you. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

You blush, a smile making its way to your face. “Surely you must be looking at your reflection in my eyes.”

“Actually I was staring at your lips.”

“Y/n Stark.” You introduce yourself.

“Arthur Milligan.” He pauses. “Can I offer you a drink?”

You flutter your lashes. “I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

Arthur smiles, his white teeth gleaming. “I’ll be right back.”

~

Chapter 3 Pt. 2

3rd person, Bucky’s perspective

Bucky isn’t staying at the party long. Just long enough to appease Steve’s need for him to socialize. Bucky barley socializes through, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of y/n.

He was a total asshole last night, even by his standards. After the fight with y/n, Steve and him had their own argument. It lasted quite some time, the two of them yelling back and forth. Eventually Bucky opened up about his feelings and Steve convinced him to apologize.

He really did intend to apologize, but he hadn’t seen y/n all day… not until the party.

Bucky can’t help but stare when he sees her walk in. Both her legs and chest on display. She truly is a vision.

For a moment he wonders why he was so mean to her. She didn’t do anything to deserve it. It’s almost as if Bucky has subconsciously tried to ruin things for himself. Deep down, he knows he wants her, but for some reason he just can’t let himself have a good thing.

In a moment of clarity, Bucky moves from his spot by Steve and Natasha, prepared to go talk to y/n, apologize, and tell her how he feels. But as soon as he sees her talking to the blonde man, his hopes are squashed.

He’s suddenly overwhelmed with jealousy. Not that he has the right to be jealous. They aren't even friends. But Bucky can’t help it, his emotions getting the best of him.

However, instead of interrupting the pair's conversation, he heads back to his room. He wants to say somthing, he truly does, but who is he to get in her way of happiness? He doesn’t deserve her. She’s too sweet, too perfect for someone as broken and bad as him. He’s a murderer, a weapon. Y/n deserves better than that.

With a sigh he walks back to his apartment, giving y/n one last look before he leaves.

In his room he leans back on the bed, one arm propping his head up, the other holding a bottle of bourbon. Not that he can get drunk, he just likes the flavor along with the warm burn in his throat.

He had been in there about 15 minutes when Friday called out into his room.

“Sergeant Barnes, it appears Miss Stark has left the building unattended.”

“Not my problem.” Bucky grumbles. Someone else can deal with it.

“I’m afraid it is sir. I can’t get in contact with anyone else at the moment.”

Bucky sits up a little straighter. “They're all at the party, can’t you just make an announcement?”

“Making an announcement would alert everyone that she is unprotected. You never know who may try to take advantage of that information.”

“I guess it is my problem.” Bucky sighs as he gets out of bed. “Where’d she go?”

“She left with a young man named Arthur Milligan. You can track her phone through the teams app on your phone.”

“Alright.” Bucky slips on his shoes as he makes his way out of the room.

Oh god he hoped he didn’t catch her in the middle of getting laid.

~

This is strange.

Why did y/n and the blonde dude come to this sleazy motel. The atmosphere immediately put Bucky on edge, somthing wasn't right. If the man she was with didn’t live in New York, he sure as hell wouldn’t be staying at a place like this. Everyone who goes to Tony’s party’s is fabulously wealthy, so what was he doing at a place like this.

Bucky doesn’t even stop to address the front desk worker, despite her calling after him to ask where he was going. He was on a mission.

He speedily walks through the hallways. Following the tracker on his phone. When suddenly he hears a soft yell, so soft that only his enhanced hearing could pick it up.

“No! Stop, I don’t want this!”

It was y/n.

Bucky breaks into a sprint. He no longer needs the phone to track her. He simply follows the sound of her cry’s.

He doesn’t hesitate when he gets to the door, kicking it in and rushing into the room.

He finds y/n bent over the bed with her dress lifted up and her panties around her ankles. The scumbag leaning over her, pulling his own pants down when Bucky storms in.

“What the hell?” Arthur says in confusion, clearly unaware that Bucky knows what’s going on.

“You fucking peice of shit!” Bucky pounces on him, throwing the blonde's body to the floor. He pulls his arm back, the plates in his arm whirling before he strikes him in the face. Over and over again he punches him. He holds back his full strength, knowing he would kill the boy if he wasn’t careful. He wanted to of course, but he knew he was on thin ice with general Ross and killing a civilian would be the exact kind of thing that would leave him having to live on the run again. So instead, Bucky breaks the boy's face just enough as to not kill him.

When he's done, he quickly stands from the broken man, wipes his bloodied hand on his suit jacket and runs over to your side.

“Y/n are you ok? What happened? How can I help?”

“Mm-my panties and m-my dress.” She mumbles out slowly, having a hard time speaking. She had clearly been drugged.

Bucky bends down, carefully pulling her underwear back up and re-covering her with her dress.

“Thank you.” Y/n says softly.

Bucky turns her body over and picks her up gently in his arms.

“What happened?” He asks, as one hand moves to his phone to call Tony.

“He was going to show me his car… t-then I started to feel funny.” She looks at Bucky with fearful eyes. “W-what are you doing? Who are you calling?”

“Your dad.”

“No!” Her body stiffens and she tries to sit up. “You can’t. He’ll be so disappointed in me.”

Bucky sits her up so she can look into his eyes. “This is not your fault. Ok? I have to tell Tony so he can talk to the cops.”

“B-b-but-“

“Shh.” Bucky softly hushes her. “You’re gonna be ok. I’ve got you.”

Y/n suddenly starts to sob as she clings to Bucky’s shirt. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“I told you doll it’s not your fault. But I got to call Tony now, ok?”

“Ok. Just promise you won’t leave me.”

“I promise doll, I’m not going anywhere.”

~

It only took a few minutes for Iron Man to show up, fully suited up. The cops coming in right behind him.

Unfortunately for Bucky, they thought he was the one responsible after seeing the bloodied man on the floor.

“Put your hands up!” One cop says shakily at the Winter Soldier. It was clear that he was terrified.

“Woah, woah.” Tony calms the cop down. “He’s the one that saved her. The one that tried to…” He couldn’t say the word. “The person responsible is lying on the floor.”

Tony then removes his mask, making his way over to his daughter.

He bends down to her eye level. “Y/n what happened?”

She sniffles. “I just went to see his car, then I-I started to feel weird and he pushed me into the car.” She chokes back a sob. “Dad I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey.” Tony tries to comfort her, his metal cover hand moving to rub her shoulder. “Don’t do that, don't blame yourself.”

Just as y/n opens her mouth to speak, two EMTs come rushing into the room. The first person they notice being the man on the floor.

“Oh god. What happened to him?” One asks as they move to help him.

“He got what he deserved.” Tony stops them. “I called you here to help my daughter. She’s been drugged.”

Two of the EMTs make their way over to her side. “Do you know what she’s been drugged with?” One askes while shining a light in the girl's eyes.

“Based on her symptoms, I’m guessing Rohypnol.” Bucky informs them.

The man nods. “We'll do a blood test on the way to the hospital to be sure.”

“Blood test!” Y/n says frightened. “Y-you can’t! I hate blood… and needles.”

Bucky runs a calming hand through her hair. “They can’t help you if they don’t know what you’ve been drugged with.”

“I’m scared.” She admits.

“Don't be doll. I’ll be by your side the whole time.” Bucky assures her.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to apologize. I know I told o e of you I would update Friday’s/Saturdays but I’ve realized with my daily schedule I’m not always able to stick to that. 
> 
> That being said, I will update as often as I can!


	4. The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: reference to attempted rape and past attempted suicide

Beep

Beep

Beep

Ugh. What is that sound? It’s disturbing your sleep.  
Slowly, you open your tired eyes to find yourself in a dull grey room. Your heartbeat starts to pick up when you realize this isn’t your room.

Where are you?

The sound of the beeping quickens as your eyes race around the room, trying to figure out where you are. Dull grey walls, uncomfortable bed, heart rate monitor, IV bag… you must be in a hospital.

Shit, what happened?

You can’t help but notice that the IV is connected to a needle in your vain. Your heart rate continues to rise. Fuck, you hate needles! You move your hand to pull it out, only to be stopped by a large hand gently grabbing yours.

“Woah, woah, woah. You're ok, just take it easy.” A cold hand presses your shoulder gently to get you to lay back down.

“Bucky?” You recognize the voice immediately. Why are you in a hospital and what is Bucky doing here? Just as the questions enter your mind, fuzzy memories of the night start to drift back.

Arthur, the car, Bucky, the ambulance.

Oh shit, what did you get yourself into.

“You’re in the hospital.” Bucky starts. “You, Uh, had a ruff night.” Seeing that you’ve calmed down, Bucky carefully takes his hands away.

You don’t say it, but deep down you don’t want him to take his hands away.

“I know, I remember… well, kind of.” 

“That’s good. You must not have gotten too high a dose.” 

“I’m so fucking stupid.” You groan to yourself.

“You got that fucking right.” Bucky agrees.

Wait… what? Wasn’t he being nice to you last night?

“Excuse me?” You question, unsure you heard him correctly.

Bucky takes a step back from you, starting to pace. “I mean, what were you thinking?! Leaving the compound unsupervised!”

“I took a few steps outside! I didn’t think it would be a big deal!” You defend. It was one thing if you were upset at yourself about what happened, but Bucky has no right to be.

“Well it was! You’re fucking lucky that it was just some scumbag actor that took you and and not a group like Hydra! Also, seriously? Hasn’t your father ever told you to not take your eyes off your drink?!” Bucky continues to rant. “Or maybe you thought it’d be fun to be rebellious and try whatever drug he offered you?”

Your mouth hangs open in shock. How dare he! How dare he have the audacity to suggest that you were stupid enough to just take drugs from a stranger!

Bucky opens his mouth to yell again but you interrupt him. You’re tired of taking his shit and letting him do all the talking.

“Fuck you!” You shout. “How dare you suggest that I would be stupid enough to take drugs from a stranger! And don’t get on to me about watching my drink. I assumed that I wouldn’t get drugged in my own house while surrounded by Avengers!” As you rant you decide that it was time to put it out all in the air. To let him know how wrong he is about everything. “Also, what’s your fucking problem with me? You say I'm too happy and nice, well so is Steve and I don’t see you screaming at him? And by the way, I’m not this happy-go-lucky person all the time! New flash Barnes, everybody has shit they deal with, some are just better at hiding it than others!” Your fists are clenched and your chest is heaving as you continue to yell. “You wanna know why I have daddy issues? Cause I tried to fucking kill myself a few years ago! And my dad, instead of letting me recover and go to therapy in the medical wing of the tower, he sent me off, knowing how terrified I was of doctors and hospitals. And to top it all off, he didn’t even visit, make a phone call or even write me a fucking letter! Not to mention that he hates that I do art and has never once said he is proud of me! I mean, he likes that fucking spider kid more than me!”

“Y/n I’m sorr-“ Bucky starts.

“I’m not done.” You cut him off. “I’m sorry about what Hydra did to you, I really am. But everyone has their own shit. The rest of us just chooses not to take it out on other people.” You sigh, finally done.

Bucky stares at you silently, unsure of what to say. You had just dropped a bomb on him and he was thoroughly unprepared.

“Get out.” You tell him quietly, too worn out to yell anymore.

Bucky doesn't put up a fight, simply nodding. He walks slowly to the door, hesitating before leaving. “I’ll tell Tony you’re awake…. I’m sorry y/n.”

As soon as Bucky closes the door, you let out a sigh as you fall back against the bed, already wanting this day to be done.

~

You're sitting up, sipping on the small juice box the nurse had left by your bed while flipping through the channels on the hospital TV.

The door to your room creaks open, Tony coming from behind it.

“How ya holding up kid?”

You shrug, setting the juice down and muting the TV. “Fine I guess… the juice here is good.”

Tony walks further into the room. “That’s good.” He takes a seat at the end of the bed. 

A few moments pass, neither of you knowing what to say. The tension in the room is thick and one of you would have to be the first to cut it.

“Dad.” You finally speak. “We need to talk.”

Tony sighs, an awkward half smile making its way to his face. “Why do I get the feeling that you're not referring to last night?”

“Why-“ your voice cracks, your emotions weighing heavy on you. “Why did you send me away?” You start to tear up. “Why didn’t you call or visit?” 

Tony clears his throat, clearly feeling the same emotions bubbling up as you. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

This pisses you off. “You could have had me stay in the hospital wing of the tower! You could have been there for me instead of sending me off like some kind of unwanted burden!” Tears start to leak out of your eyes. “Just like my mom did.” You mumble, voice barely above a whisper.

You had never met your mom, didn’t know anything other than that she was one of Tony’s one night stands. She never cared about you, didn’t even care enough to name you. She simply left you in a basket in the lobby of Stark industries with a note claiming you were his daughter.

Tony moves right beside you, taking your hands in both of his. “You can’t possibly think that.” His voice is strained and you can tell he’s only moments away from crying. 

“What was I supposed to think!” You cry.

Tony’s lip quivers as he speaks, two heavy tears falling down his cheeks. “I made a mistake.” He admits. “I thought you would do better being around people you could relate to. That’s why I sent you off.”

“And the reason you didn’t call or visit?” Your shaking hand wipes tears from your eyes. 

“When- When you found out I was sending you to a facility upstate you told me you hated me. That you never wanted to see or hear from me again.” Tony pauses. “I thought I was doing what you wanted.”

Then it hits you, it was all your fault. If you had never said those terrible things to your father he may have come to see you.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper. “It’s all my fault.”

“No, hey, don’t do that.” Tony pulls you close, letting your head rest on his shoulder as you hug. “It was my mistake, I shouldn’t have listened to you. It’s my fault.”

“Dad, you think everything’s your fault.” 

“So do you.” 

You both laugh lightly. Like father, like daughter.

Tony pulls away from the hug, just enough that you can look him in the eyes. “I just need to know… why’d you do it kid?” 

You sigh, frowning. “It’s not anything in particular… it’s just, in the moment, you feel so sad and worthless that you think the only way you can escape the pain is to- is to end it.”

“I’m so sorry you ever felt like that.” Tony apologizes. “I should have known.”

You shake your head. “You can’t fault yourself for that. I hid it well, you couldn’t have known.”

“Still, I just-“

“Let’s not not ruin the moment with ‘ifs and buts’, ok? We’ve finally got it out in the open and now we can move on, right?” You suggest.

Well you worked out most of your problems. He has still never told you that he’s proud of you, but that’s an issue for a later date.

Tony nods, wiping the tears from his eyes. “You’re right, and besides, you have a visitor coming soon.”

You look at him in confusion. Who did he tell?

Before you can even ask, the sound of pounding feet coming running down the hall and into your room.

You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

Peter Parker. And he’s brought flowers.

“You told him?” You angrily whisper to your dad.

“He was worried about you when he didn’t see you at the tower.” He whispers back.

“You could’ve-“ you start to speak but cut yourself of as Peter makes his way over to you.

“Hey Peter.” You sigh. Your feelings towards the boy were complicated. On one hand, you resent him for his relationship with your dad, but on the other, the kid was really sweet and hard to dislike. He was almost like an annoying little brother to you.

“Hey y/n! I’m sorry about uh…” he trails off, not sure what to say. “I brought you flowers!” He changes the subject. “I didn’t know what kind you like so I got you a mix!” He smiles brightly.

You smile back softly, taking the vase of the artificially dyed flowers and setting them on the bedside table. 

“Thanks Pete.”

Tony smiles at Peter. “That’s nice of you kid.”

Peter shrugs. “It’s no big deal, I mean, that's what you do for people in hospitals right?”

You nod absentmindedly as you read the card attached to the vase. You furrow your brows as you read it aloud. “Congratulations, welcome to motherhood…” 

Both you and Tony give Peter an amused look.

Peter blushes, slightly embarrassed. “I didn’t read it.” He lets out a soft, awkward laugh.

You smile at him genuinely as you chuckle. “Don’t sweat it kid… Now, does anyone know when I can get out of here? I’m dying for a cheeseburger.”

“I’ll let the doctor know you're up and we can go from there.” Tony gives you a pat on the shoulder before getting up from the bed and moving towards the door. “Com’ on Pete, let's give her some privacy so she can change.”

Peter nods, following after your dad. “Later y/n!”

“Later Pete.”

~

3rd person, Bucky’s perspective

“I fucked up.” Bucky admits as he walks into his shared apartment.

Steve, from the couch hears Bucky come in. “Bucky what the hell happened? Is y/n ok?” He jumps up from his spot and makes his way over to Bucky.

Bucky furrows his brows. “Haven’t you talked to Stark?”

“No.” Steve replies. “The only person I’ve heard from all night is you when you told me that y/n was in an accident and that you were at the hospital.”

“She…” Bucky pauses. “She left with this guy, some actor… he had drugged her and took her to a motel.” Bucky notices Steve clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Did he-“

“No.” Bucky responds immediately. “I got there just in time.”

Steve sighs. “Thank goodness. How is she doing?”

“She's fine. She’s pissed at me but fine.”

Steve groans. “What’d you do now?”

“I yelled at her, basically said it was her fault.” Bucky admits.

“Why the hell would you do that?!” Now Steve is pissed. “She’s been nothing but nice to you and all you do is treat her like trash!” Steve started to rant.

“I know, ok! I messed up and now I don’t know what to do!”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Why do you even care? I thought you hated her.”

Bucky groans. “I don’t hate her! Look, I don’t know why but I can’t get her out of my mind. She’s so sweet and perfect and beautiful! I guess I was just pissed because I knew I could never have her! So acted like an ass to make her hate me so the feelings would go away. But it didn’t work, and I only yelled at her this morning because I was so upset with myself for not being there to protect her sooner.”

“You’re an idiot, Barnes.”

“I know.” Bucky sighs. “And I want to fix it. I don’t expect her to ever want to be with me after the way I’ve been acting, but I’d like to at the very least let her know I’m sorry.”

“Maybe start with saying you’re sorry.”

“I don’t think she's going to want to listen to anything I have to say.”

“Then write a note.” Steve suggests. “And attach it to a pack of sour gummy worms.”

“Gummy worms?”

“She loves them. Give her some of those and she might accept your apology.”

Bucky nods. “Anything else I should know?”

“Well she loves Star Wars…”

~

When Bucky heard y/n had called the Avengers to a meeting, he was surprised to say the least… and a little nervous. Was she going to demand he be kicked out? Not that he will put up a fight, he knows he deserves it.

“Any idea what this is about?” Sam, who is sitting next to Bucky at the table in the meeting room, asks.

Before bucky can respond, y/n walks in, not an ounce of unease shown in her presence.

The Avengers all stop murmuring, giving y/n there full attention.

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why you’re here. I’m not going to pussy-foot around it. It’s going to come out to everyone eventually so I thought it would be best that it comes from me. Last night an actor at the party drugged me, took me to a motel, and attempted to rape me.” She doesn't even hesitate to say it. “I’m fine, he was stopped in time and arrested. No, I will not be talking about it further or answering any questions. If you’re upset, talk about it to someone who’s not me.” She pauses, looking over the faces of everyone in the room, excluding Bucky. “You’re all dismissed.”

Y/n leaves the room, leaving the team to sit and absorb the information just dropped on them.

Before y/n can get too far away, Bucky follows after her, rushing down the hall to catch up to her.

“Y/n wait!”

“I already said I’m not talking about it.” She continues walking down the hall. 

“I’m sorry!” Bucky shouts, before she is too far away to hear him.

Y/n surprisingly stops and turns around. “You’re only sorry because you pity me, not because you actually mean it.”

“But I do-“

It’s too late for Bucky to say anything else, she's already disappeared into the elevator.

“Fuck.”


	5. Letting it Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for talk of depression and depressive thoughts

2nd person POV

Fading. That's how you describe the feeling when you start to stoop into a depressive episode. You can feel your emotions fading to numbness, and eventually an all encompassing emotional down. Each avenger has their own way of trying to help you through it. Honestly you want to be left alone for the most part, alone to dwell in the sadness you think you deserve. It was harder when you first decided to move back into the tower after living on your own when you had been released from the hospital. In the beginning, you couldn't even get a moment alone. But eventually everyone got into a pattern of how they help you deal with your depression. 

Wanda and Vision make you baked goods. Mainly strawberry cupcakes. Wanda comes to deliver them to your room every morning, and subtly implies she will be going shopping later and hinting at you coming. It worked a total of one time. But after having a mental breakdown in the Gucci dressing room you realized it probably wasn’t best for you to be in public when you feel this way.

Steve and your dad are always the most worried. They check on you multiple times a day. Steve also draws you caricatures of avengers and writes something funny underneath them. This is the closest Steve has ever gotten to understanding memes. Tony on the other hand tries to lure you out of your funk by bribing you with a trip to your favorite Korean food restaurant in South Korea via his private jet. 

Pepper sends you flowers. The two of you aren’t close and aren't overly fond of eachother. You assume she mainly sends the flowers to please Tony.

Peter constantly sends you memes throughout the day, which you mostly ignore.

No one knows where Thor and Bruce are so it’s safe to say they don't know when you’re suffering, and no one wants to call Clint just to inform him you’re sad again.

Uncle Rhodey usually finds out because Tony needs to vent to someone about his worries. What he does for you by far one of the coolest things. He has a military buddy of his hack into the computers of major entertainment companies so you can see blockbuster movies before they are released.

Natasha, who is sort of a mother figure to you though the two of you would never admit it, comes to you late at night when your insomnia kicks in. Neither of you speak, she simply sits down on your bed beside you and braids your hair while the TV show ‘how it’s made’ plays softly in the background. The two activities always help you to sleep. And on the nights you can’t stop crying, she’ll lie there with you, rubbing your back like a mother calming her child until her tears stop.

Finally, Sam comes in the moment you need it most, right when you are so tired and drained that you’re ready to open up about how you're feeling.

It’s day 3 of your depression and you have just reached that point. Somehow, Sam always knows when you’re ready.

You’re sitting up in bed, bundled up in an exuberant amount of blankets and staring blankly at the wall in front of you. Your mind drifts through a series of depressing thoughts.

Pathetic.  
Worthless.  
Burden.

These are the words that are most consistently in your mind.

For a moment you consider no longer taking your meds. Sometimes it feels as though they don't work anyway.

That’s when you hear the knock outside your living room door.

“Friday, tell Sam he can come on in.” You mumble to the disembodied AI, your voice raw from all the crying you’ve been doing.

“Of course, miss.” Even Friday sounds saddened by your less than pleasant mental state. 

You don’t bother to wipe your tears away, you would be crying soon again anyway.

You hear Sam make his way through your front door, passing through the living area and opening the door to your room.

You notice Sam holding a steaming plate of eggs, sausage, and hash browns in one hand. He must have found out from Friday that all you’ve really eaten this week is Wanda and Visions strawberry cupcakes.

“I would have brought some OJ too but then I wouldn’t have been able to open the door.” Sam jokes. He takes a quick glance around your room, trying to gauge how bad the episode is. Used tissues cover the floor by the right side of the bed. Worn pajamas are strewn around on the floor and the pile of clothes you leave on your chair hasn’t been cleaned up. You usually clean it once a week. Not to mention your greasy hair makes it obvious that you haven’t showered in a few days.

“Pretty bad, huh?” Sam asks.

“Yeah.” You answer honestly. You don’t need to bullshit with Sam.

He takes a seat by you on the bed, placing the food in front of you. “You hungry?”

“Yeah, but-“

“But you feel like you deserve the pain?”

“You know that.” You sigh.

“Tell me why.” 

“You know why too.”

Sam pushes a fork in your hand. “I’m trusting you with this.” He jokes, earning an actual laugh from you before moving on. “I have a general idea, but I don’t like to make assumptions.”

You poke at the eggs with your fork. “I-“ it’s hard to speak. You know at any moment you’re going to break out sobbing. “I feel so weak.” You choke out. “I put the whole team at risk by being naive enough to think a guy wouldn’t try drugging my drink at a crowded party. Even if it is my house.” 

Sam doesn't speak yet. He always waits for you to let it all out.

“How could I be so fucking stupid?!” You sob. “I was selfish. Why do you all even keep me around? I’m a liability and a burden to the team. I hate that about myself and I hate that I’m so weak! I hate that no matter how hard I train, I’ll never be strong like any of you! And I know that that’s also selfish because you all went through so much pain to be what you are, but I can’t help but feel insignificant. I’m just some dumb fucking artist that sits around all day doddling while you all are actually doing something meaningfull in the world!” There it is. The root of what triggered your episode. It’s not just about Authur. It's about the fact that you can’t protect yourself. It’s the constant feeling of insignificance that lingers in the back of your mind.

Sam puts a hand on your shoulder and squeezes it gently. “First of all, you’re not just some dumb fucking artist.” He quotes you. “You are a world renowned artist and you should be proud of it. More importantly, you are not insignificant or a burden. Ok? If we didn’t want you around, you wouldn’t be here. We all love you and want you to be here with us. You’re part of our family. You might not be on the front lines, but you do more for the world than you know.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah I doubt that.”

“I mean it.” Sam Insists. “You said so yourself that you know how much pain we’ve been through. How do you think the avengers would keep it together without their own little therapist.” He laughs lightly.

You furrow your brows. “Um, Sam, I’m not a therapist. I can barely keep myself together.” 

“You might not be licensed but you are always there for us. Getting us to talk through our thoughts and feelings. Giving us advice and helping us come to a resolution.”

“That’s what friends are for.” You shrug.

“Yeah well friends don’t usually have to deal with their other friends' war trauma and helping them deal with finding out their best friend they thought was dead is actually alive and actively trying to kill them.”

You stay silent for a moment. “I guess that’s true.”

Sam pats you lightly on the back. “You keep the avengers sane so that we can help the world. Which is just as important.”

Finally, you take a bite of your eggs. “I disagree that it’s just important but I know that argument won’t go anywhere, so I’ll just accept it.”

“I know that this conversation won’t solve all of life's problems, but maybe it helped you feel good enough to to get up out of bed? Maybe get up and take a shower? No offense, but you don’t exactly smell like daisies.” He laughs.

You shove Sam in the arm. “Hey! You should take a whiff of yourself after you come back from a mission.”

“Touché.” Sam pauses, noticing something on your bedside table. 

“Sour gummy worms? That’s not part of your usual routine…” Sam trails of, reaching over you to grab the box of candy before you have a chance to stop him.

“Wait-”

It's too late, he sees the note written in scribbly cursive on the piece of paper attached to the back of the box. 

“Who’s this from?” He asks curiously, hoping from your bed and moving around as you chase him down, frantically trying to remove the letter from his grasp.

“Sam stop!”

“Dear y/n,” Sam starts to read aloud. “I don’t pity you. I relate to you. When I said I’m sorry I meant it.”

You jump, reaching for the letter but Sam moves it high above his head.

He continues to read. “I meant to tell you sorry before the party. I only blew up at the hospital because I was mad at myself for letting someone on the team get hurt. I shouldn’t have been such an asshole to you. I know it’s a lousy excuse but I was just jealous of your happiness. If you give me the chance, I’d like to make it up to you. I heard you like Star Wars. I haven’t seen the movies… maybe we can watch them sometime? Sincerely, James Buchanan Barnes.”

Sam looks at you with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. “You two got a movie date?”

You finally snatch the candy and letter from his hand. “See this is why I didn’t want you to read it! I knew you would take it that way.” You pout.

“How else am I supposed to take it?” Sam laughs.

“Like a guy with a guilty conscience is trying to be nice to the sad girl.” You say as if it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“You can be so blind to some things.” He shakes his head.

You furrow your brows. “What do you mean?”

Sam takes a seat back down at the end of your bed. “Everyone living in the tower can tell he has the hots for you.” He pauses in thought. “Expect for Tony. Barnes would be as good as dead if he knew.”

“You’ve been talking to Nat and Wanda, haven’t you?”

“And Steve and Vision.” He grins. “We have a whole group text dedicated to the conversation.”

“Great.” You groan, rubbing your temples as you take a seat by Sam on the bed. 

“Look, you don’t have to believe me. But you should at least give him a chance to make it up to you. I’m not Barnes biggest fan, but he’s really not a bad guy.”

You open your mouth to protest, but Sam interrupts you.

“Just think about it, ok?” Sam gets up from your bed, making his way to the door. “And take a shower in the meantime! You stink little sister!”

You grab a pillow and throw it at him, the pillow only managing to hit the door as he closes it.

“And eat some food too!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick little update. Please consider leaving a comment if you enjoy! It makes my day!


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